| Texas star Colby has it all under control 04/06/2001 By Ed Bark
Television Critic Ten down, six left. And without a bona fide bath for weeks on end, Texan Colby Donaldson remains among the increasingly dirty half-dozen while still smelling like a rose. What would Survivor: The Australian Outback do without him? Dry up and blow away? Mebbe.
The Christoval native and latter-day Dallasite carried the 10th episode on his back, prompting even host Jeff Probst to call him "movie star" after he outbid Amber Brkich during a food auction in which each contestant started with $500 in Australian money.
Both of them craved a glass of iced coffee accompanied by a chocolate-peanut butter energy bar. Colby, who had bypassed earlier enticements of Doritos, a can of Mountain Dew and a bottle of beer, bid $280 to curb his hunger pangs for a few minutes or so. Most of the other competitors subsequently made hasty trips to the woods after gorging on food that didn't sit right. Colby, of course, remained in full command of his constitution.
The episode began with a bang by using Colby's previously unaired parting shot at vixen Jerri Manthey, who was voted off during the previous week's episode.
"Jerri, Jerri, Jerri," he said while happily writing her name. "That knock you keep hearin' on your door? It's checkout time."
Later he dug up jargon from the old Kung Fu TV series in tribute to tribemate Keith Famie's ability to catch grasshoppers for fish bait.
"Keith probably has the upper hand on the whole grasshopper wrangling," Colby told the camera. "I've yet to figure out his method, but I may have to go to the master so he can teach young 'grasshoppuh' how to wrangle 'grasshoppuhs'."
Alas, not many fish were being caught, and the rice supply had dwindled to near nothing due to poor food management. Colby remained jaunty, though.
"We're in a spot now," he acknowledged. "But it's not the end of the world. My gosh, the human body can go days without food. Where the lack of food comes in is mentally. And you've got to stay tough mentally to make it through a food drought like we have right now. You can sit around and say, 'What if? What if we woulda saved?' Well, we didn't. We don't have any rice. Woulda coulda shoulda. If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas."
That "'ifs' and 'buts'" line is an old chestnut, but durned if it doesn't still sound real purdy. Colby's a Texas Tech grad, but Rice University should give him an honorary degree based on this episode.
Let's see, what else did he do? He won the weekly "immunity talisman," his first, by starting slow and finishing fast in a fire-and-water competition detailed elsewhere in this section. He also had to sacrifice his "luxury item," an oversized Texas flag, after host Probst demanded it in return for a replenished rice supply and 25 more fishing hooks.
The flag and several green tarps, which Mr. Probst also took, had been used as shelter from the elements. Now the six remaining competitors are out on a limb, living beneath flimsy tree branches and leaves.
"Take care of that, please," Colby told the host while reluctantly handing him the state's flying colors.
"I will," said Mr. Probst.
Cripes, even Davy Crockett would've saluted him for that one.
Meanwhile, let's take a moment to bring Colby back to home base. In real life, reliable firsthand sources say he attended Tuesday night's U2 concert in Dallas and then repaired to The Green Room in Deep Ellum for drinks, accompanied by another swarm of admirers.
Anybody else out there had a Colby sighting? Send an e-mail this way and we'll make his about-town jaunts a regular feature down the homestretch of "Colby's Corner."
Just four more episodes of Survivor II to go before the big winner emerges. Whatever the outcome, Colby Donaldson seems like a lock to turn 'ifs' and 'buts' into candy and nuts well beyond the show's May 3 finale.
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