| Larry Powell: A-Rod is ours? There must be some mistake 12/14/2000 By Larry Powell / The Dallas Morning News Good morning. I can explain this cold snap.
When the Texas Rangers sign a big-time shortstop, you-know-what will freeze over.
And check your trees for roosting pigs – they're bound to have been flyin'.
Well, my goodness. Owner Tom Hicks signed shortstop Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year, $252 million contract. Finally, someone on the Rangers is making as much as an inside Metro columnist. Oh, I can testify that Mr. Rodriguez better have a good tax man or he's going to have major problems. The burdens, the burdens. ...
On the other hand, my son Bart, a lifelong Rangers fan and observer of the myriad players lost deep in the hole between second and third, once described Arlington as the place "where shortstops go to die." (Aside: There's not enough space here to list all the people who have tried to play shortstop for the Rangers.)
Mr. Rodriguez's nickname is "A-Rod." He'll be on a team with Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, the magnificent catcher. Will this team thus be the "Two-Rod Rangers?" Two Rods, no arms.
So, what would make Mr. Rodriguez leave hip Seattle for exotic Arlington, Texas, widest spot in the road between Dallas and Fort Worth?
Ah, glad you asked. By virtue of a columnist's ability to channel what's seen by a fly on the wall, here were the prime selling points in the tender negotiations with Mr. A. Rodriguez, shortstop:
(1) No matter what happened in the presidential election, he'd still get to live in an area where George W. Bush was chief executive.
(2) He'd be close to Six Flags Over Texas and might be able to afford passes into the park for a few more years, depending on the pace of price increases for the amusement park's tickets.
(3) He'd be near Grand Prairie's Lone Star Park, where he could burn off burdensome cash by betting on horses with baseball names: "E-six," "Swing'n'miss" and "Yankee Sweeper." (Aside: Yankee Sweeper is a nag known for rarely leaving the gate in October.)
(4) Never mind that contract, he can play Texas' twice-weekly, six-pick lotto game that REALLY pays off big.
(5) No matter what he does out of uniform, it won't look all that bad because a Dallas Cowboy, a Dallas Star, a Dallas Maverick or a Dallas City Council member will have done it first.
(6) In the final year of the contract, he'll have an option to sign on again either for more money or for a discount on hard-to-get Dallas 2012 Olympics season tickets.
(7) With the Rangers, he won't have to worry about baseball glory being stolen by any headline-grabbing pitchers.
That last one was the deal-closer.
Edam and weep
This is a completely nonpolitical passage: On Monday, as I watched a cable news channel's presentation of the latest Supreme Court hearing, I could swear that I heard one of the lawyers address William Rehnquist as "Mr. Cheese Justice." I'm sure I misheard. And I'm sure no pizza outfit will take this idea and use it in a TV commercial to sell its supreme pizza. Just kidding, Mr. Cheese Justice. ... One more thing: In connection with this shortstop the Texas Rangers got for $252 million, The ($191 million) Ballpark in Arlington has been open since 1994 – isn't it about time someone started demanding a new stadium to replace that obsolete relic?
Larry Powell can be reached at 214-977-8487; P.O. Box 655237, Dallas, TX 75265; fax 214-977-8319 or at
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